Understanding and Compassion: Where did they go?

Yesterday was an awesome day at my church. We are a small church in the Midwest that like many small rural churches seemed destined to die just a few short years ago. God has been faithful and blessed us and yesterday we saw so many in attendance that we ran out of seats. While this was amazing something happened yesterday that rocked me to my very core.

As the youth leader I have tried to teach the teens that attend the importance of watching our words and how what we say can be a more hurtful weapon then anything. We had a young man in attendance who by his very admission was an atheist. He has come to youth group before but yesterday was the first time he had come to church. He is willing o listen and to give God a chance due to the change he has seen in a young woman that he considers to be his younger sister.

A fellow member of the youth group through a series of text messages attacked this young woman calling her rude and obscene names due to something that he thought he had seen. Instead of confronting her this teenager brought others into the problem and caused great hurt to this young lady.

I went over to talk with her and her friend hoping that I could stem some of the hurt and damage done. I asked the young man who had just started coming if this was going to stop him from coming to church. He looked at me and said that if that other young man had been the only Christian that he had met then yes it would have as his judgemental attitude only reaffirmed what he had always believed Christians to be.

I asked him why he was willing to give us another chance and he said that the change he has seen in his friend and that I cared enough to come out to his house to talk to her really made him think.  I was very humbled by this as all I had done was care.

I realized then that to many times we as Christians have forgotten that it is NOT our place to judge others. God is God for a reason. I am so imperfect myself how can I judge others? How can any of us? Not a one of us are perfect enough to even begin to make judgments and yet we do it all the time.

Jesus commands us to love as He loved and yet if we don’t have compassion the how can we? One thing that was brought up was the fact that we as Christians typecast and judge based on appearances. This young man walked into church with tattoos, pierced ears (not that I have a problem with that all three of my boys have them pierced) and ripped jeans. He looks like a bad guy. Yet as I talked to him and started getting to know him I realized he is a very sweet kid who has a servants heart. If all I had seen was his exterior then I wouldn’t have known that.

If we are going to bring people to the Lord then we MUST have compassion and understanding. We need to get rid of our judgemental attitudes and let God work in others. If we live as Jesus did then we wont have this problem. Jesus didn’t come for the healthy and rightous He came for the sick and unholy.

What I do know is that I am one of those unholy that needs him. If Jesus can love a sinner like me then who am I to choose who He can and cannot love? If I am Christ’s body on earth am I reaching out with His hands to hold or hurt? I tell my teenagers all the time that they may be the only Jesus that someone sees so if that is true and we are then what kind of Jesus are you showing the world?

I want to show the Jesus that I know so if I want others to see His love then I better love. I will strive to show the understanding and compassionate Jesus that I know and love, will you?

What I want.

I woke up this morning and I realized that I have been separated for nearly a year already and in a month or less my divorce will be final. As I laid there in bed I thought about what I want out of my life.

I do want a relationship as I really dislike being single. I want a man that will wake up in the morning and his first thoughts will be of me. I want a man that I can sit down and actually talk to about anything and everything. I want a man that knows when to talk and when to listen. I want a man that will hold me when I need to cry.

Yesterday I had a hard time controlling my tears and all I really wanted was to have someone hold me in his arms and just be there for me. Don’t get me wrong I have a wonderful group of friends (you know who you are) and I have the most awesome parents and I have a wonderful youth group but its not the same.

I love my children and I know that they love me but they cannot be my sole companions. I love my mother and I don’t know what I would do without her but again my mother cannot be the only person that I do things with. She has my dad and I am just their child.

I am going on vacation with my children soon and while I am looking forward to it I am reminded of how very lonely I am. I have been lonely for a long time. My ex-husband didn’t talk much to me and when he did it was all about him and his day. When we did take the children places all he did was complain.

I told a friend of mine that I am not going to settle anymore. While yes looks aren’t everything I do know what I am attracted to and I don’t have to be with someone just becuse HE wants me. If the attraction isn’t strong on my part from the beginning then I am not even going to pursue a relationship.

I dated someone for a very short time about four  months ago and through that short relationship I realized that I can do so much better then what I did. I found myself very attracted to this man but I wasn’t going to act on it as I was still legally married in fact I hadn’t even told my ex husband that I wanted a divorce. We were separated but that was it.

As my marriage continued to fall apart and I saw this man at work I tried very hard to keep my distance. On my birthday he asked me if I was going to continue to be married or if it was over. When I told him that it was over and that I could no longer be married he asked if I would like to have dinner with him. I declined but we exchanged phone numbers.

Over the course of a month we texted and had spent time together but we did not see each other until my ex and I had agreed to a divorce. This relationship did not last and it was for the best as his faith is not near as strong as mine but it did give me a glimpse of what I want in life.

The chances of me ever seeing this man again are slim and if I did I would have to tell him thank you. Through that time I spent with him I have really discovered what it is that I need.

Lord Jesus here is my prayer for a partner in life. Lord I need a man that has a strong faith in you. A faith that is strong enough to lead me and support me in my minisrty. I need a man that is intellectualy my equal. I need a man that has a call on his life that will not only support my work with teens but one that will jump right in and help.

I need a man that loves children and will be willing to be a second dad to my boys. I need a man that will love me the way that you do Lord. I need a man that would be willing to lay down his life for me and my children. I want a man that will accept me and love me for who I am, craziness and all. I want a man that will not be threatened by my beauty but rejoice in and even be proud to have me by his side.

As selfish as it is I do want a man that is pleasing to the eye and one who takes pride in his appearence. I want someone that will look at me as though I am the most beautiful woman alive and one that will tell me when he finds me beautiful. I want a man that will not be afraid to talk about his feelings with me. I want a man that will love me enough that he wont hesitate to hurt my feelings if he needs to.

I want a man that wants a woman with a backbone. I want a man that wants a woman who speaks her mind. I want a man that gets my sarcastic sense of humor. I want a man that gets me. Quite simply Lord I want the man that you have hand picked for me and I know that I haven’t met him yet.

I told my mother today that I am willing, in fact I want to be single until I met him. Lord my life is in your hands and it’s in your time that I will met him. I truly believe that he is out there somewhere just waiting to meet me to. No matter how long it takes I am waiting on you. I would rather have just a few years of the right person then spend the rest of my life in a situation that is not healthy for me or my children.

Lord you know my hearts desire better then even I do and I place my trust and my heart in your hands. I trust in you Lord and I know that everything will be worth the wait.