I became very good at talking the talk but very few people actually knew I wasn’t walking with the Lord. In fact I think only myself and the Lord knew although my parents may have suspected that I didn’t fully believe in the Lord. Inside I was laughing scornfully at the Christians that attended my dad’s church. I went to camp and convention only to get away from my parents and because there were always cute guys that went to camp and convention.

I would raise my hands and I would sing but it meant nothing to me. This pattern continued in my life even after I got married. While we were around my parents we played the part of a happily married Christian couple. That changed when we moved. The minute that we were on our own our true sinful selves came out. My ex-husband started drinking again and dragged me into the party scene right along with him. I quickly learned what the drug and alcohol world was all about. The fact that I was able to walk away from that with the help of my sister was nothing short of a miracle. How I was able to escape without being addicted to the drugs and the alcohol  that I was involved in I will never know.

My sister helped me leave that toxic marriage after it became clear that my life was in danger. During the two years we were married my ex abused me so cruelly that I still bear the emotional and some physical scars from his abuse. I learned very quickly how to duck as plates came flying at my head and how to defend myself from hammers being used to hit me with. God saved my life even though I didn’t believe in him.

I left my abusive ex-husband and he filed for divorce. While I was waiting for my divorce to be finalized I discovered I was pregnant with another man’s child. I was young, only 18 and I knew I couldn’t take care of a baby. I remember sitting in my room seriously contemplating how much better my life would be if I just had an abortion. No one would have to even know that I was pregnant and I could actually get on with my life. It wasn’t until I heard the heartbeat of my now 13-year-old son for the first time that I realized it was a baby inside and there was no way I could get rid of it. Again God took my sinful state and gave me one of the greatest blessings ever when He gave me my son.

During my pregnancy I realized that even if I didn’t keep my baby there was no way I could continue to live my life the way I was going. I called my dad and asked him to pray with me. I gave my life to the Lord for the first time in July of 1997 and I have never looked back. When my son was born in December of that year and placed in my arms I knew I could never give him up, and decided to raise him.

However I was still a young unwed mom and I prayed for God to send me a dad for my son. When my son was 8 months old I met what seemed to be God’s answer to my prayers. I was still young though so I didn’t fully take the time to think, pray and wait before I jumped into a relationship. A mere six months after we met we were married. Things were great for a while until I became pregnant with my second child. When we discovered that it was a boy my husband’s relationship with my oldest son (whom he had adopted) changed. My son suddenly could do nothing right even at the age of 2. That was when the verbal abuse started on my son and when I was 7 months pregnant I was pushed into the coffee table so hard that I broke it. I should have left then but I didn’t.

I thought I was doing the right thing and I stayed in a marriage that just continued to become a verbal battlefield. There were few happy times and when my husband did talk to me and our oldest son it was to tell us everything that we were doing wrong. Finally after 9 1/2 years and another son later I gathered my courage and my children and I left. The sad thing was that it took my ex-husband FOUR days to realize that my children and I had moved out.

Through all of this my faith in God took a beating as my ex was not an active believer. He went to church but I don’t think he meant it. ( in fact I still don’t know if he does although I pray daily that he will come to know the Lord). When God healed me of asthma I knew that I had to give my life back to him. I’ll admit it I’m not perfect and I do stumble and sin but I always get back up and go running straight back to my Lord and Savior.

God has been so amazing to me throughout my life and I can’t wait to see what else he has in store for me. I’m not gonna lie, I really hope and pray that His plan includes a godly husband but even if it doesn’t I will still serve him with everything I’ve got. I will take what I have been through and I will use that to help others. I’ll be upfront and open about my past if it means that someone else will see that God can and will forgive anyone if they just ask. I will testify to his love and mercy everyday of my life.

My life is not my own anymore, it belongs to Jesus Christ. He is just letting me use it to bring him glory. Even before I trusted and believed him he saved me when he didn’t have to. God is a God of second chances and I’d be a fool to let mine go. I thank God every day for what he has done and is doing in my life. I am proud to say I am a Christian now and while I am very good at talking the talk I am even better at walking the walk.

I have never been quiet about that fact that I am a Christian. That is such a part of me that I couldn’t even begin to hide it. I will admit that there are times when my fire for God is an ember and other times it burns out of control but my faith has never wavered. I have always been outspoken about my love for Jesus Christ but there are times I speak in whisper.

After Final Exit I realized that I can’t be quiet anymore. My fire can’t be at an ember. Being a Christian is all or nothing. If you can’t tell I’m a Christian just by the way I act then I better change my life. I’m not saying that I’m deliberately living in sin but there is always sin lurking around the corner just waiting for me to fall.

Sin can be anything that you know in your heart is wrong. It could be the word you just said, or the joke that you laughed at. It could be the music you are listening to or even the clothes that you picked out to wear for the day. While yes we as humans are born into sin and have sinful natures shouldn’t our desire as Christians is to live such lives that people can’t help but notice there is something different? I have always been the type of girl who stands out (blending into the crowd is so boring) but why do I stand out?

Do I stand out because of the clothes I wear, the piercings and tattoos that I have or do I stand out because people can sense Christ in me? I think it’s a combination of all three but I pray that the main reason is that I radiate Christs love. My love for Jesus is so all-consuming that it needs to be the first thing that people notice about me. I can’t be concerned about what the world thinks about my faith.

Why worry about if I offend anyone? I can not expect to be treated any better than Christ himself was on this Earth. If I truly am sold out to Christ then His opinion should be the only one that matters. I have to live my life in a way that even in the confines of my house I am his. When it all comes down to my final exit I want the Lord to look at me and say “well done good and faithful servant”.

“Lord, my heart has always been yours. I gave it to you 14 years ago and I have never gotten it back, nor do I want it. I want my life to be a living breathing testimony for you. You have done so much for me and saved me from so many things that giving you my whole life in return is a small price to pay. What is waiting for me in Heaven is far greater than anything you can give me here on Earth.

You gave me my life. I am here ready and willing to give it all to you. I surrender everything I’ve got knowing that you will replace it with something even better than I could possibly imagine. What you choose to do with my life is up to you not me. Use me my father for your will not mine. Guide me in your truth and teach me everyday what it truly means to be your child.

All you have ever asked for is for people to love and serve you. Well here I am, take me and make me yours forever.”

This is a challenge for everyone. Stand up and say “here I am Lord! I’m yours”. I’ve done it, will you?

Fathers aren’t such a good thing anymore. In today’s society fathers are seen as dispensable. If they are part of the family than they are seen as distant. If they are not in the home then many are part-time fathers. All to often nowadays many children don’t even know who their fathers are. Why is this? Why has the father been so attacked in today’s society?

When my oldest son was three he had a hard time understanding the “heavenly father” concept. The first time that he heard that phrase he burst into tears, crying out that if God was a father then he wanted NOTHING to do with God. He went on to say that fathers leave you and don’t care so why would he want a heavenly father that would leave and not care about him? As I listened to Chris sobbing over the fact that God is our father I realized something. To him a father is NOT a good thing to have. For most of his life he has had very little contact with his biological father and his adoptive father (my ex-husband) isn’t much better.

Chris isn’t alone in this place either. Simply because the father has been reduced to a monthly child support check or a joke on the daytime talk shows way to many children have no idea what a father is supposed to be. When children have no good earthly father how on earth can they understand a heavenly father? For that reason I think is why Satan has made it his purpose to destroy the institution of fatherhood.

I look at my own children who, through no fault of their own, have a rotten earthly father. If it wasn’t for my dad they would have no idea how a father can be loving and kind. If their dad was all they had then I wouldn’t be surprised if they couldn’t fully trust in God. It falls to me as their mother and sole parent to teach them that God is love and that even though they don’t have the greatest dad here on earth, they have an amazing dad in heaven taking care of them. This is not an easy task.

As Christians we need to rise up as a whole and not let the institution of fatherhood be destroyed. Mothers and fathers need to band together and teach our young boys that being a father takes more than just getting a girl pregnant. We need to show them that to be a true godly father they need to treat and raise their children the way that God loves us and treats us. Children need to learn that being a parent is the greatest joy ever.

I know that as a mother I never knew what it was like to truly love someone until I had my kids, and if the way I feel about my kids is even remotely how God feels about me then the love he has for me must be indescribable. That is what children need to grow up learning about. We can teach law and righteousness but if they don’t understand the love that is behind those laws then will they follow? Probably not. Just going off of my own experience I realize that children aren’t going to understand the love of God unless they have a mother or a father who loves them in that way.

My challenge for anyone who reads this is simple. If you have kids strive to show them the godly love that you have. Strive to teach them the love of God and to show them the truth of his ways. If you don’t have children then show his love to anyone that you meet. If you see a child that may not have a father or mother then get involved, be a friend. Get involved in a ministry that will help these lost children understand that God as our father is not a bad thing to have.

Lets raise up a generation of selfless godly parents who will find it a joy and an honor to bring their children up in the ways of our Lord. I will raise my children to love God and to serve him.

Will you?

I look at my children and I wonder, am I doing the right things for them? Am I being the best mother that I can be? Do I show them the love that they deserve? Am I doing the right thing by going back to school right now? Am I doing the right thing by not working? I have so many questions burning in my head that I’m getting a headache. I honestly don’t know what to do.

I am so worried about my children right now. I worry about Chris as he begins his teen years. I worry about Brad and whether or not he has juvenile rheumatoid arthritis. I worry about Nicky and how he will grow up. I worry that the fact that I am a single mom will hurt my children in the long run.

My children need a stable father figure in their lives and right now they don’t have one. I have prayed and prayed for God to send me a man who will love me and my children in the way that we deserve to be loved and yet I am still alone. Why am I still alone?!? Am I being punished for getting divorced? Am I meant to spend the rest of my life alone and unloved? I want someone to love me more than anything. As much as I have complained about marriage in the past I would give anything to have someone love me enough to want to marry me.

I am so consumed by theses thoughts and doubts that it’s affecting my life. I don’t want to teach my youth group and that is wrong. But how can I tell them to trust in God when right now I don’t even feel that He is hearing my cries? My world feels like it’s spinning out of control and I am helpless to stop it. I want off this roller coaster but I don’t know how to get down.

The thoughts that scare me the most is that I feel my battles with food returning, and that is not a place that I want to be right now. I don’t want to be stuck in  that mindset any more. I don’t want to feel this out of control anymore. I want MY life back.

Lord, I am on my knees. I am crying out for you to help me. Lord please put my life back on Your tracks. Lord I am begging for you to touch my children and if it is in YOUR will I would ask that you heal them.

Lord, I pray for the relationship between me and my children and between my children and their father. Lord only you can heal these hurts and take away the scars that color the way I look at things. Lord I ask that you restore my trust in you and in people. Lord I pray that you renew in me a passion for  you. Lord I pray that you give me the strength to see the world as you see it.

Lord I pray that you give me the strength to eat and not analyze every bite of food that I touch. Lord I pray that you help me see my self as I truly am. Lord I pray that whatever causes me to see my self negatively that you take that away. Lord, heal the hurts in my life that cause me to feel that way. Lord, I pray that from now on I live for you. Lord I place my trust, my children, and my very life in your hands. From now on Lord I want to live for you. I no longer want to go through the robotic motions of believing. Lord from now on I will truly live my life for you. Lord, I even ask that you help me with my control issues.

Lord I cannot live my life without you, but I also cannot live alone. Lord, I pray for a husband. I pray Lord that you will bring me a godly man who loves you as I do. Lord I pray for a man who will love ME as you do. Lord I pray that you will bring him to me in your time but selfishly I pray that you don’t make me wait to long. Lord I know that you have heard me and I wait for your answers to my prayers.

Lord, you are my everything and if I haven’t shown you then I am sorry. You are the reason that I live and I want to live more truly for you.

In your most holy name I pray,

Amen.

That was my feeling going into Sunday. My youth group had sponsored a dance the night before (like we always do) and there was an incident that I had to  deal with. I was so angry at the situation as it shouldn’t have even happened that Sunday at youth group I was prepared to yell and lecture over how they should have acted. God had a different plan.

That morning I got into a fight with my ex and it just took a bad day and made it even worse. I was so hurt and disappointed that I actually threw my phone five times, and to those who know me y’all know that my phone is my lifeline. I was driving and I’m sure that my passengers were a little nervous being in the car with me while I was in that volatile mood. As I was driving and talking to my friend that was with me God really dealt with me and my sorry stinky attitude. I got to the church in a very different mood.

I stood in front of my youth group and I allowed God to flow and to move. My entire lesson changed in an instant. I began to talk about love and what love really meant. So many times love is not understood in today’s society. We have turned love into a fleeting mess and not anything that lasts.

So what is love? Websters dictionary says love is a powerful emotion felt for another person manifesting itself in deep affection, devotion or sexual desire. So what are the powerful emotions? To me when I love someone, that person is capable of affecting my deepest and strongest emotions. Nobody can make me angrier or make me happier. Ironically when I am mad at that person he is the only one that can cheer me up.  But really what is love?

Do we just say the words or do we back it up with actions? It isn’t enough for us to just say that we love someone we actually have to show it. Love in and of itself requires action. Actions that prove what our words are saying. As Christians we should be the ones showing the most love. Like I told my teenagers just because you love someone doesn’t mean that you have to like them. There are quite a few people who I really can’t stand and don’t even want to be around but I do love them. There are times that I don’t like my children very much but I always love them. I’m sure there are times when people don’t like me very much.

As I talked on Sunday one of the young men in attendance made a statement that summed up everything that I was trying to say. He said that love is nothing but a four-letter word that is meaningless unless you show it. Then he stated that true love was Jesus dying on the cross for our sins and since he loved us enough to die for us then how can we do anything less than live for him.

Normally this statement wouldn’t have been a big deal except for the fact that the young man who said this is not a believer. He has been coming to youth group but has made no secret of the fact that he does not believe in Jesus Christ. When I heard him say I was struck speechless. (which is very hard to do. In fact this young man is probably the only person that can.) God had taken my inadequate words and used them through this man.

But what he said was true. Greater love has no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. As I struggled through Valentines day I remembered that Jesus gave me the greatest Valentine ever. John 3:16. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son. That whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” God love ME so much that he sent Jesus Christ to die for my sins so that I may live forever with him.

If that isn’t love people then I am clueless as to what is.

I haven’t really focused on it because honestly I didn’t feel that it was my place. Children should learn respect from their parents. It should be given and received. Parents should respect their children and in return children should respect their parents. Disrespect is something that should never be tolerated. Unfortunately disrespect is something that is seen everyday.

I see children disrespecting their parents, teachers, friends, even the ones that they are dating. What is so sad is that many kids don’t even know that they are being disrespectful. Many times it’s brushed aside as “I was just kidding” or “No offense” and what sometimes isn’t realized that there is a little truth to “just kidding” and when someone says “no offense” it is usually something that should be taken  offense to.

When kids mock their parents they think they are being funny. I should know I did the same to my parents and it wasn’t until I became a parent myself did I realize how disrespectful I actually was. I listen to my kids and my teenagers and I wonder. Would they like it if they were being talked about in the same way that they talk about their teachers? Would they like it if their children (when they have them) talk about and treat them the way that they treat their parents?

Sometimes though a child has a hard time giving respect when it isn’t given to them. If a father does nothing but yell and curse and call his child names then how can that child respect his or her father? If a mother is more concerned with her own self and ignores the basic needs of her child then how can she demand that she is given respect in return?

As parents it falls on us to teach our children about respect and the only way they learn is if they see us respecting others and them. If I respect my children then they will respect me. Where I struggle is with their father. I don’t have a lot of respect for him but I cannot show that to my children. If my kids hear me talking bad about their father or not respecting what he says then they won’t respect him. The only way that my children are going to learn respect is if they see it shown in their life.

Respect is something that can be learned but it is hard to teach. It isn’t something that you can only talk about. In order for it to be learned it has to be shown. Being respectful is something that everyone should strive to be. We shouldn’t be surprised or shocked when we are shown respect. We shouldn’t have to say thank you when we are given respect it should be given naturally.

The key point is though if you want respect then you have to give respect. Not only do you have to give respect in order to have it in return you have to respect yourself. If you don’t respect your self it is very hard to give others respect and it is even harder to get that respect given to you.

One thing that I have learned is that if I want to be respected then I better give respect. If I want my teenagers to respect what I am trying to teach them then I better respect them and what they have to say. If I want respect at work then I better respect my coworkers and my boss. If I want my children to respect me then I better treat them with respect. I better be willing to listen and not brush them aside. My children also need to see me respecting my own parents. I live in their house and I do need to follow their rules. My children won’t respect them if I don’t. Most importantly I need to respect my self. I need to treat myself with respect. I need to take care of myself and I need to treat myself as though I am worth all the respect in the world.

I really do believe that if we all do that then things will change. If we treat ourselves and others the way that we want to be treated then and only then will we see things they way that they should be.

Back in August I had listened to a song called “City on Our Knees” by TobyMac. Such a simple yet one of the most powerful songs that I have heard in years.  As 2009 drew to a close I again listened to the words and I decided that this song would be my theme song this year. I talked with my youth group and we agreed that we as a group would live by this song this year also.

What struck me the most about this song was the first line. ‘If you gotta start somewhere why not here”. I have wanted God to move and bless his ministry that he has allowed me to lead. The thing is though if I want God to move I have to be willing to let him. I have to be willing to cross that line and step out of my comfort zone.

I can’t witness if I refuse to open my mouth. I can’t tell others what God has done for me if I am unwilling to claim his mercy. I can’t reach out to those that need him if I have already written them off. Just the other day God impressed upon me that I have no say in who is beyond God’s reach. I can’t say that it’s useless to pray for someone when only God can decide when someone is to far gone. If God puts someone in my life to witness to and to pray for them who am I to toss that person back?

What gives me or any other christian the right to decide who can come to Christ? Why do we feel that we can choose who needs his mercy? Why have we as Christians forgotten that only by the grace of God we are no longer just as damned? No matter what someone else has done everyone is just is guilty. Sin is sin no matter if we actually do it or not. God is so absolute that the THOUGHTS are just as bad as the actions.

I can’t decide who is a bigger sinner. That isn’t what we as Christians are here for. The only thing that makes me any different then the unsaved is the fact that I have accepted the free gift of salvation. I have been forgiven. If God is so merciful that he can save me then isn’t the least I can do to tell others about him?

My prayer for 2010 is not just for The R.O.C.K. youth group or Connection Ministries but of anyone that believes in the Lord. Be willing to step across that line . Be willing to let God place you where he wants you to. Be willing to allow God to lead your life. If you gotta start somewhere why not here? Make the change in 2010 that God demands of us to make. Let God truly be the author of your life. Be bold, be strong and watch God move in ways that you can never imagine.

As bad as 2009 was for me I know that 2010 will be all that much better. This year is GOD’S time and my life is his to do what he will. When God gave us the gift of salvation and eternal life letting him have our small earthly life is the only option.

When Gods people come together amazing things happen. I am willing to let it start with me, will you?

For me living my life in the Lord means so many things. It isn’t about a religion. It’s my faith, it’s my lifestyle, it’s a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. It means that in everything that I do I do to bring glory and honor to him. I tell my teenagers all the time that when we sin and do something wrong that we make Jesus do that also. That is such a sobering thought.

Simply stating that we believe in Jesus isn’t enough. We have to live wholly and truly for him. It’s isn’t easy. Sin is always around just waiting to tempt us with things that we desire. I am single right now (by choice) and the lack of physical companionship is tough but how can I tell my teens and my own children to abstain if I myself am not willing to? How can I tell young girls that they are worth so much more than a quick roll in the hay if I lower my standards and give in?

I must admit there are days when the loneliness threatens to consume me. I want an adult to talk to, I would love to have somebody that I can just hang out with, but I can not and will not put myself in a situation where I won’t be respected and where my faith in Jesus won’t be. Waiting on God’s time to bring me His chosen partner is hard.

I must admit I have a hard time watching my tongue. I have a very sharp wit and I can insult so well that you don’t feel the sting right away, but is that how Jesus would want me to use my wit? I have a very sarcastic sense of humor and there are times where my sarcasm comes off as being rude. If I know this then why is it so hard for me to stop? Wouldn’t it be better to use that for other reasons?

What I have discovered and I absolutely love this about teaching teens is that I am growing in Christ right along with them. My faith in the Lord has gotten so much deeper and stronger and yet I haven’t even begun to scratch the surface of how deeply I can believe in Him.

When I was younger I hated my name. I thought that my first name was boring and that my middle name was old-fashioned. Not only that my first name means truthful and I wasn’t always the most truthful person growing up. As I have gotten older I love having to live up to my first name but it’s my middle name that I will be forever grateful to my parents for giving me. My middle name is Faith.

Such a small word but such a huge meaning. I proudly wear my middle name on a ring to remind me everyday to live and to show my faith to the world. As I live, learn, laugh and love I will strive to live for Him.

Will you?

As the youth leader I have tried to teach the teens that attend the importance of watching our words and how what we say can be a more hurtful weapon then anything. We had a young man in attendance who by his very admission was an atheist. He has come to youth group before but yesterday was the first time he had come to church. He is willing o listen and to give God a chance due to the change he has seen in a young woman that he considers to be his younger sister.

A fellow member of the youth group through a series of text messages attacked this young woman calling her rude and obscene names due to something that he thought he had seen. Instead of confronting her this teenager brought others into the problem and caused great hurt to this young lady.

I went over to talk with her and her friend hoping that I could stem some of the hurt and damage done. I asked the young man who had just started coming if this was going to stop him from coming to church. He looked at me and said that if that other young man had been the only Christian that he had met then yes it would have as his judgemental attitude only reaffirmed what he had always believed Christians to be.

I asked him why he was willing to give us another chance and he said that the change he has seen in his friend and that I cared enough to come out to his house to talk to her really made him think.  I was very humbled by this as all I had done was care.

I realized then that to many times we as Christians have forgotten that it is NOT our place to judge others. God is God for a reason. I am so imperfect myself how can I judge others? How can any of us? Not a one of us are perfect enough to even begin to make judgments and yet we do it all the time.

Jesus commands us to love as He loved and yet if we don’t have compassion the how can we? One thing that was brought up was the fact that we as Christians typecast and judge based on appearances. This young man walked into church with tattoos, pierced ears (not that I have a problem with that all three of my boys have them pierced) and ripped jeans. He looks like a bad guy. Yet as I talked to him and started getting to know him I realized he is a very sweet kid who has a servants heart. If all I had seen was his exterior then I wouldn’t have known that.

If we are going to bring people to the Lord then we MUST have compassion and understanding. We need to get rid of our judgemental attitudes and let God work in others. If we live as Jesus did then we wont have this problem. Jesus didn’t come for the healthy and rightous He came for the sick and unholy.

What I do know is that I am one of those unholy that needs him. If Jesus can love a sinner like me then who am I to choose who He can and cannot love? If I am Christ’s body on earth am I reaching out with His hands to hold or hurt? I tell my teenagers all the time that they may be the only Jesus that someone sees so if that is true and we are then what kind of Jesus are you showing the world?

I want to show the Jesus that I know so if I want others to see His love then I better love. I will strive to show the understanding and compassionate Jesus that I know and love, will you?

I do want a relationship as I really dislike being single. I want a man that will wake up in the morning and his first thoughts will be of me. I want a man that I can sit down and actually talk to about anything and everything. I want a man that knows when to talk and when to listen. I want a man that will hold me when I need to cry.

Yesterday I had a hard time controlling my tears and all I really wanted was to have someone hold me in his arms and just be there for me. Don’t get me wrong I have a wonderful group of friends (you know who you are) and I have the most awesome parents and I have a wonderful youth group but its not the same.

I love my children and I know that they love me but they cannot be my sole companions. I love my mother and I don’t know what I would do without her but again my mother cannot be the only person that I do things with. She has my dad and I am just their child.

I am going on vacation with my children soon and while I am looking forward to it I am reminded of how very lonely I am. I have been lonely for a long time. My ex-husband didn’t talk much to me and when he did it was all about him and his day. When we did take the children places all he did was complain.

I told a friend of mine that I am not going to settle anymore. While yes looks aren’t everything I do know what I am attracted to and I don’t have to be with someone just becuse HE wants me. If the attraction isn’t strong on my part from the beginning then I am not even going to pursue a relationship.

I dated someone for a very short time about four  months ago and through that short relationship I realized that I can do so much better then what I did. I found myself very attracted to this man but I wasn’t going to act on it as I was still legally married in fact I hadn’t even told my ex husband that I wanted a divorce. We were separated but that was it.

As my marriage continued to fall apart and I saw this man at work I tried very hard to keep my distance. On my birthday he asked me if I was going to continue to be married or if it was over. When I told him that it was over and that I could no longer be married he asked if I would like to have dinner with him. I declined but we exchanged phone numbers.

Over the course of a month we texted and had spent time together but we did not see each other until my ex and I had agreed to a divorce. This relationship did not last and it was for the best as his faith is not near as strong as mine but it did give me a glimpse of what I want in life.

The chances of me ever seeing this man again are slim and if I did I would have to tell him thank you. Through that time I spent with him I have really discovered what it is that I need.

Lord Jesus here is my prayer for a partner in life. Lord I need a man that has a strong faith in you. A faith that is strong enough to lead me and support me in my minisrty. I need a man that is intellectualy my equal. I need a man that has a call on his life that will not only support my work with teens but one that will jump right in and help.

I need a man that loves children and will be willing to be a second dad to my boys. I need a man that will love me the way that you do Lord. I need a man that would be willing to lay down his life for me and my children. I want a man that will accept me and love me for who I am, craziness and all. I want a man that will not be threatened by my beauty but rejoice in and even be proud to have me by his side.

As selfish as it is I do want a man that is pleasing to the eye and one who takes pride in his appearence. I want someone that will look at me as though I am the most beautiful woman alive and one that will tell me when he finds me beautiful. I want a man that will not be afraid to talk about his feelings with me. I want a man that will love me enough that he wont hesitate to hurt my feelings if he needs to.

I want a man that wants a woman with a backbone. I want a man that wants a woman who speaks her mind. I want a man that gets my sarcastic sense of humor. I want a man that gets me. Quite simply Lord I want the man that you have hand picked for me and I know that I haven’t met him yet.

I told my mother today that I am willing, in fact I want to be single until I met him. Lord my life is in your hands and it’s in your time that I will met him. I truly believe that he is out there somewhere just waiting to meet me to. No matter how long it takes I am waiting on you. I would rather have just a few years of the right person then spend the rest of my life in a situation that is not healthy for me or my children.

Lord you know my hearts desire better then even I do and I place my trust and my heart in your hands. I trust in you Lord and I know that everything will be worth the wait.