Such a small word but one that holds such a large idea. How many times do we use the word why? Well if you are my nine year old, you use it constantly. For others? Not so much. We use the word to question our reality. Either to wonder or complain. For me? I’m crying it out.
Why? Why do I feel like my life is one step forward and thirty steps back? Why does it seem like all my dreams are just out of reach? Why does it seem like I’m constantly climbing uphill with no end in sight? Why are there days when it feels like the whole universe is against me?
Most of these problems lie in my own mind. There isn’t anyone keeping me from things or making me unhappy but me. No one else has control over my life but me. I’m my own worst enemy but I haven’t quite figured out how to stop it. If I know that then why is it so hard to break those chains in my mind? Why can’t I just flip the switch and just be happy all the time? Why can’t it be easy?
It has to start with my mindset. And it has to start from the beginning. Wake up each day with a smile even if I don’t feel like smiling. Find the little things that make me laugh even when it feels like the world is crumbling beneath my feet. Go throughout the day with a song in my heart even when I feel like being silent. Make a conscious decision to overcome the battles in my own mind.
Life isn’t easy and it never will be. There are always going to be days when you feel like you are on top of the world and then there are days where you feel like you have to look up to see rock bottom. Life will knock you down. The question is, how long do you stay down. Do you immediately get back up, brush yourself off and continue? Or do you stay down so that the next time stuff comes at you, you don’t have far to fall?
We all know that the best answer is to get back up and keep going but that’s not the easy way. So many times I know I just get tired of fighting and I just want to stay down, lick my wounds and hide in a corner some where. I just want to cry and have my own pity party. But really what earthly good will that do? Does it really help me to stay down? No it doesn’t. The best thing I can do is stand, dry my tears and let go.
Let go of what’s holding me back. Let go of what’s trying to drag me under. Let go of things that aren’t right for me. Let go of the worlds negative opinion and focus on my positives. Don’t let myself be defined by an imperfect world who can’t see what I was made for. Don’t let the worlds idea of who I should be make me into what I shouldn’t be.
I need to remember that I was created for one purpose and one purpose only. I was created to worship my God. My whole life is meant to bring him glory and can I really bring him glory when I’m dwelling on the unfairness of my life? Am I bringing him glory when I berate myself and feel like I’ve fallen short of the worlds expectations? Am I bringing him glory when I put myself in bad situations? Am I bringing him glory when I look at myself in disdain and proclaim how much I hate myself? Am I really bringing him glory everyday? Am I bringing him glory when I allow the little insignificant things in life to annoy me and color my entire mood? No I’m not.
Is my life unfair? Sometimes it is. Other times it’s because I need to wait and let God take control. Should I berate myself when I’ve fallen short of the worlds expectations? No because the world doesn’t matter. When I feel like I hate myself I need to remember that God loves me. He doesn’t care that I’m forty pounds overweight. He doesn’t care if I’m wearing makeup or not. God doesn’t care about my outward appearance. God cares about my heart. He cares about the me on the inside. I need to find the joy in that. I need to learn how to let the little things go. Who cares if my kids left a mess? Rejoice in the fact that my kids are still home to make a mess. So what if I have a million piles of laundry to do? That just means that I have a large family. So I have to make dinner again? That just means I have enough food to feed my family. So my alarm went off at 4:30 am? Thank God I have a job to go too. So my residents are getting on my last nerve demanding their pain pills and things? That resident is still alive and able to make their wishes known.
If I look at the bright side of everything then the shadows don’t seem as bad. They don’t seem as dark. And the why’s don’t seem as many.